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Jokes...............................
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RICH LADY
A rich lady gives her butler the night off because she is going out on a date. When she arrives back home from the date she saw the butler was
still home and sitting in the front room.
The rich lady approaches the butler and requests that he remove her dress, so the butler removes her dress. She then asks the butler to
remove her bra, which he does. She then asks him to remove her panties and he does this aswell.
The lady then tells the butler "never to dress in her clothes again."
NEWS FLASHES
Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove...
I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency...
A Man has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it' could be race related...
SWISH
A woman goes to the Doctor, with bruises on her face.
The Doctor asks: "What happened?"
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he slaps me around."
The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished and swished,
and he didn't touch me!
How does the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water does not do anything …it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...."
LOSING YOUR LOAD!
As a lorry driver stops for a red light, a blonde in her car
pulls up alongside. She jumps out of her car,
runs up to his lorry cab, and knocks on the door. The driver lowers the
window, and she says,
"Hi, my name is Sharon and you're losing some of your load!"
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the lorry
stops for another red light, the girl
again catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his cab, and
knocks on the door. The guy lowers the
window, and she says,
"Hi, my name is Sharon and you ARE losing some of your load."
Shaking his head, the driver ignores her again and continues down the
street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of
breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs
up, knocks on the lorry cab door. The driver lowers the window again
and she says,
'Hi, my name is Sharon and you really are losing some of your load!
When the light turns green, the driver revs up and races to the next
light. When he stops this time, he
hurriedly gets out of his lorry, and runs back to the blonde
He knocks on her window and, as she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm gritting the road."
WHAT DOES YOUR DAD DO?
Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the
Children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers
came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of
industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet
and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really
good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them
sleep with him."
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took
little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.
"No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for Australia but I was just too
embarrassed to say."
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