I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit..
SPICE IT UP?
A wife decides that she needs to spice up her and her husband’s sex life. So, she goes to the adult novelty shop and came back with some crotchless knickers.
She went home, put them on and waited for her husband to come home. When he got home, she lifted up her skirt and showed him her new knickers, and said, “You want some of this?”
“No Way,” says the husband, “look what it did to your underwear!”
HOW MUCH?
A bloke & his date parked by the side of the road & wanted to have sex.
The lady said, “I should have said this earlier, I am actually a hooker and I charge £20 for sex.”
The man reluctantly paid her, and they had sex. After the act, the man refused to drive.
” Aren’t we going back to town?” – asked the girl.
“Well, I should have said this before, I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £50.”
MAD COW!
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter….
The interview was as follows: …..
The lady reporter : “I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease.. Can you offer any reason for this disease ? ”
The farmer stared at the reporter and said: ………….. “Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year ? ”
Reporter (obviously embarrassed): “Well, sir, that’s a new piece of information…but what’s the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?”
Farmer : “And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day ? ”
Reporter : “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point ? ”
Farmer : “I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day…. and only screwing you once a year, wouldn’t you get mad ? ”
LEAVING WORK EARLY
The employees at the factory where Paddy worked soon discovered that every Tuesday afternoon the boss would always leave work early, not to return that day. So they all decided that if they all left early after him, they could have the rest of the day off, and the boss would be none the wiser.
So, the next Tuesday afternoon, after the boss had left, all of the employees went home. But when Paddy got home, he saw through his front window his boss making passionate love to his wife.
The following Tuesday, when everyone else was leaving the factory, Paddy kept on working. One of his workmates came up to him and said: “Hey, Paddy, aren’t you going home? The boss has already left for the day”.
Paddy says, ” No way! Last week I almost got caught”.
Company Logos gone very wrong
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You need to look at this one carefully, maybe squint your eyes. |
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